Blame the Victim

In the wake of the story surrounding Ray and Janay Rice, I have seen a myriad of emotions. I saw the video and was as shocked as anyone. When I saw that he’d been dropped by his team (albeit with a $25,000,000.00 pay off) and that his wife was defending him, I felt sad. It made me even more sad to see posts and comments calling her a “stupid bitch” and saying things like “she deserves an ass whoopin'”. Look, that guy punched her so hard that it actually knocked her out and then he dragged her from the elevator. Their history is one of violence and repeated police intervention. I don’t claim to know either of their backgrounds but, feel that it’s plausible to say that they both come from violent upbringings. 

Janay Rice, is the victim. She is in a relationship that may never be healthy. There is a possibility that he may seek the help needed to learn to deal with his anger and frustrations in a healthy and productive way. I genuinely hope so. According to statistics, it’s not likely. Moreover, we may see a repetitive pattern in their children. This is a cycle of disease. Janay is defending her man, probably like her mother before her. It’s quite possible that she may never be in a healthy relationship. Of course, I am making assumptions all over the place. I have no idea what goes on behind their closed doors.

My question is this; Why are we so quick to jump on her for defending him? This is a sickness. Both of them need medicine. His punishment is, in my opinion, appropriate. I am glad to see a major sports organization declare that this behavior is not to be tolerated. It does beg the question as to why Michael Vick is still on the field, but I digress… Janay is somewhere caught in the middle.

Imagine a night out with friends. It’s been a few weeks, you can’t hide from everyone forever so, you decide to go out and try to forget your troubles. A couple of cocktails, and in conversation their friend offers condolences on the loss of his mega millions career. Does Janay’s stomach clench? The evening continues. A cocktail or so later everyone decides to move on, as you’re walking to your car, a stranger yells “way to fuck up your career, idiot!”. Ray acts as though he didn’t hear it but, his grasp on her hand is like iron. On the ride home it’s silent until he’s reflecting on the scene in the elevator and says, “Why did you have to *fill in the blank* and make me so angry? If you hadn’t done that, none of this would be happening”. Does Janay feel afraid? Does she try to comfort his rage away? Has she been here a million times before? Or possibly, she takes the bait and defends herself with fervor! Yelling back “This is your fault NOT mine!” Does it escalate from there? Does it end in violence? Maybe… Maybe not. What I do know is that none of us know the back story. What we do know is that he punched her so hard that it actually knocked her out and then he dragged her from the elevator. You should save your “stupid bitch” for Justin Beiber and your “She deserves an ass whoopin'” for that woman on the Facebook video who’s beating her child on camera. Janay Rice is the victim.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. You are right, we don’t know the back story. I just question why she married him AFTER this elevator hubub. Looks like she need to work on self esteem while he works on anger management. Neither is a victim and both are.

    1. jennyfaye13 says:

      There’s no question. She married him one day before she was subpoenaed to testify against him in court… They can’t force you to testify against your spouse. It boils down to a twisted idea of what love and relationships are. It’s hard for me to consider him a victim. I mean, I guess he learned the behavior somewhere? Or possibly uses supplements that cause rage which is incredibly common in his line of work…. Ugh. It’s a pretty messed up situation for sure.

  2. Cted says:

    Is she? I’m not so sure. Sorry but when you remove gender she doesn’t seem like a victim. She is only a victim if you accept that women are weak, need to be protected and can not take care of themselves like men can – something that women are fighting for us not to believe. “Rice and Palmer can be heard shouting obscenities at each other, and she appears to spit in the face of the three-time Pro Bowl running back right before he throws a brutal punch”

    Now, I’m not a tiny guy at 6″2.but I’m not a huge guy at about 165. I wouldn’t DREAM of spitting in Ray Rice’s face. If I walked up to him and spit in his face and he punched me the world would be calling me a moron… “What 165lbs idiot spits in the face of Ray Rice?” would be the question. They would be right. So why is it a women can do that and Rice is not supposed to punch her? I thought we were living in a time of equal rights?

    So either you believe that dating the man gives you the right to hit him and spit in his face and he has to take it, or you believe that there are special rules for women – they can’t figure out not to spit at someone a few times their size like the rest of us have figured out. From all reports she is as violent as he is and they hit each other from time to time. If she hits him as hard she can, then she must expect him to hit her as hard as he can. When one is hit by someone else, it is not incumbent upon them to pull their punches, unless that is true for everyone. If I hit Ray Rice does he have to stop, figure out how hard I hit him, and only retaliate with equal force? No, of course not.

    Person A screamed obscenities at Person B, then Spit in Person B’s face. Person B punched Person A………that doesn’t sound so unreasonable.

    1. jennyfaye13 says:

      I can understand where how you’ve arrived at your opinion, I just don’t agree. Any strike she delivers to him isn’t going to do the same damage as his return would. Not even close. He’s likely double her size. I don’t condone violence of any kind. It’s not ok to hit people no matter what your gender.

      Unless you have been in an abusive relationship and have experienced the way it twists what you think you would do, into what you actually do under those circumstances, you can’t fully understand. Unless you’ve been in the position to love and fear your partner, you can’t fully understand. I would be curious to know if Ray Rice fears his wife. I doubt it.

      I don’t think there are two sets of rules for men and women. However, I have two sons and teach them to not hit girls. Don’t hit her first and don’t hit her back. I would hope that the mothers of daughters everywhere would teach their girls to not hit as well.

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