The Art of The Selfie

I am not afraid of a selfie! Thanks to my girlfriend Meghan, some of my selfies are adorned with the hashtag #notafraidofaselfie or #selfiegamestrong I know some folk complain about the number of selfie’s out there but, if I’m being real, I have to say, sometimes I might be in need of a pep talk and I might be the only one who’s willing to give it. The same thing goes for the selfie! If I’m feeling myself, I sometimes need to document that shit! So, bravo people! if you’re hair is on point or your eye makeup is killin’ it, take that pic, yo! I wanna see it and I wanna “like” it… Because I think you’re cute too! So, here’s a few tips and tricks, do’s and don’ts that might help you up your selfie game.

Do pay attention to your surroundings!

I get it, we are in a hurry, we are busy and our lives are full. Anyone who knows me, also knows that keeping my room clean is not something I’m known for. I admit it! It’s as if my closet has vomited across my bed and floor! So, Why would I choose that locale to take a picture of myself?

IMG_4334I mean seriously, can you even see past the mess to know that I’m feelin’ cute? The same goes for the mother of all bad selfies… The bathroom selfie! You know what? Just don’t. Don’t do it. Make that shit gospel, people! The general bathroom selfie is bad enough, the coup de grace is the toilet selfie and the only thing that trumps that is if there is a deuce involved.

IMG_4335I do not care how cute you look, GTFO of the bathroom with that shit!

Do mind your angle.

There are good angles and bad angles and the beautiful thing about the selfie feature on your phone is that you can see it! in fact, you can see it BEFORE the picture is even taken. Lift your chin a bit, raise the camera… and for the love of everything holy, mind your chins! Listen, I’m a fat girl. I love me. It doesn’t mean that every picture I take is good! Sometimes I see a selfie and think “did this bitch even look before posting?” I mean, it’s not like somebody posted a bad shot of you… YOU posted a bad shot of you!

IMG_4339Don’t let this be you! You gorgeous creature, you! Raise that camera and straighten your shit out!

There is also the opposite… you know, the one. Camera angle too low and suddenly it’s a party in your nostrils! I don’t need to see that and frankly, you don’t want me to! Remember? Your hair and makeup is on point! Don’t distract me with the boogers!


The WTF is wrong with your face “peace” selfie

Yeah, I know it’s a long title for this segment. I just can’t figure out where this came from and who decided it was cute. The overly pursed “duck lips” and the peace sign… I can’t, people… and you shouldn’t either. It’s ridiculous and not sexy. Please stop.

The car selfie

This one could go either way. that is to say, I am torn. When I see the post “On my way to_____” I want to say “No you aren’t! You’re sitting in your driveway and forgot to take that selfie before you buckled up!” The other part of me wants to give you a virtual fist bump and say “Good on ya! Don’t be late, girl!”

Lastly, I want to share my version of a selfie well done. The background is lovely or at minimum, not distracting. You’ve got your pretty game on point, you angle the phone slightly from above and your chin is neutral… click… and… share.

Do it, pretty! Post that shit! You’re feelin’ good and it shows! Swearing Mom out.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. ahahahahahah…this is great!! I see the commode selfies all the time, cracks me up, really, people…get out of there!

    1. Thank you! This was super fun to write!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s