Having a husband who travels for a living is not as amazing (ahem) as you might think. My husband plays keyboards for the band Smash Mouth. He’s been with them since they began touring in 1997. We’ve always done this. It’s not new, I’m not caught off guard and it’s always a challenge.
Way back when, he got “the call”. We had been together a mere six months. He left for six weeks and then was gone for what seemed like and eternity. I’m no dummy and I knew that he’d eventually grow tired of being tied down to some chick from Stockton. I mean, he was touring the WORLD for the love of Pete! Somehow, he kept blowing through town and always back to me.
You would think that after 17 plus years, I would have had some major malfunction with the touring… I’m gonna let you in on a secret, the space is why we are still going strong. Seriously, I would lose my fucking mind if my life were “normal”. Sure, there have been times that I feel disconnected and unappreciated (especially now that we have the two crumb snatchers) but doesn’t that happen in most relationships? Don’t we all have to stay ever vigilant to keep things fresh and focused? Sometimes, I long for the family unit that has Sunday dinner and mom and dad go to bed together every night. The 9-5 lifestyle of free weekends and paid vacation. Then I take a step back… I like the freedom of my own schedule and space and I like our own special version of paid vacations. When he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid BUT when his work becomes our vacation, that kinda makes up for it. When the band plays Disney World, we go. By “go”, I mean we fly to Orlando, we stay in great rooms at the resort, we get treated very well and we do it for free… In fact, he gets paid! So, fuck it, I lied… We get paid vacations.
There are some days when I wish I had my partner to help me at home, and when my kids are crying for daddy, it’s heart breaking. I just give some comfort some face time and then…. He’s back. Most recently, my oldest son (Cosmo, 8) got to roll with his dad for a few days on tour. He got the whole experience, skateboarding in the parking lot into the wee hours after the shows, the catering tent with all of its deserty (you know that’s a word) goodness. He got his own bunk on the “bus” (more like a luxury motor home) and slept to the sound of the road as they drove all night to the next days destination. These are all things that we get in trade for “normal”.
There are tough times and I’m not pretending that it’s all champagne and roses…. Or whiskey and back stage passes, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We have a good and solid family unit… We just look like weirdos.