I have been fat for a long time. Yep, I said it. FAT. I know the word is taboo and feels uncomfortable like a racial slur, but there it is in black and white. I’m a fat girl. I was very thin when I met my husband. I was also living a brutal lifestyle (more on that later). When I began to gain weight, like so many other people it was a gradual thing. I went from my jeans fitting too snuggly to needing an entirely new wardrobe… you know, from Lane Bryant because that’s where fat girls can get (almost) modern styles.
My obesity (ugh… is that word even more ugly than fat?) was caused by one thing… me. I ate and drank for years upon years without accountability. I drank most days and ate EVERYTHING. I never REALLY worked out. I would start diets and often not even last a full day. I would make myself promises and I would cry in dressing rooms. My husband married me fat, he never complained and never gave me reason to feel as though he wasn’t attracted to me. So, if he was cool with it, then why should I “suffer”? hahaha… suffer. Isn’t that funny, the way we look at things? The way we justify the lack of effort and self love with phrases like “why should I punish myself with a diet?” and “I’m not taking time away from my family to work out.” Ahhh, yes… I spent many years living in that bubble of denial and unconscious self loathing. Of course, everyone thought I loved myself because, after all, they loved me! “Look at Jenny! She’s so comfortable in her own skin. You go girl!” it was all smoke and mirrors. I detested being the object of pity more than anything so, I faked it.
Then something happened… a light came on for me, I saw myself in a different light and realized that I was robbing myself of the life that I desired most. I wanted to feel good again, in mind AND body. I wanted to go to the beach (in a bathing suit) and not feel like a spectacle. I wanted to run with my children and be awesome! I wanted to look hot for my husband, I wanted his friends to see me differently as well. I wanted to be taken seriously in business because I am a force, damn it!
So, I did it. I stopped making excuses and just did it.
After my youngest son was born, I started eating right and working out. Our move to Southern California helped as well. I was able to break old habits and took off about 60 pounds in total. I’m still fat and need to lose about 40 more, but I’m doing it and it’s been a three year process.
In those three years, I started seeing a trend of heavy women wearing “fatkinis” and being very vocal about loving their bodies. I thought, “this is fantastic!”. I love watching a woman who is oozing self confidence, I don’t care what size she is. If she loves herself and is walking with some swagger, I fucking LOVE that shit! I also began to notice how people were celebrating their fat families, fat children, fat husbands, fat dogs, you name it. I see the posts checking in each morning at the drive through on the way to school, and the cheese burger dinners and the pizzas and the SODA. Jeeze don’t even get me started on that shit. And it occurs to me that there is a fine line between being confident and self loving and encouraging a garbage lifestyle, perpetuating the behavior to your next generation because if it’s good enough for you, it’s good enough for them. Teaching your
daughter children that she’s they’re perfect the way she is they are, when in fact, she they will die early because of this. She They will have health and emotional problems as a result.
In our culture of excess, we are forgetting that moderation is king. That there is such thing as too much of a good thing and that we do, indeed, control our own destinies… It’s yours for the taking. Love yourselves deeply and give to yourself the life that you deserve.
*NOTE: I changed “daughter” to children because it was pointed out by a reader that it is not just girls that go through this sort of thing. She was 100% correct. I chose the word because I was speaking as a “daughter”, but would very much like to use a more appropriate term. Childhood obesity affects the lives of boys just as it does girls. Thank you for the feedbeack.