There have been some circumstances recently that have reminded me about some ambitions that I have sort of, let go by the way side. I really like my job and the company I work for affords me some very nice flexibility when it comes to time off for both sickness and fun. Any working parent knows that you will go into work sick as a dog because you’ve used your sick leave for your children’s various ailments. Fortunately, my company and my boss, have made that a non-issue. By all rights, I’ve got it pretty good.
Going back to my ambitious and forward moving nature… An opportunity presented itself that reminded me that a couple years ago, I had some pretty specific aspirations. I have met most of them and kind of hit a plateau. Like I said, I’ve got it pretty good so, why upset the boat?
Can women really have it all? Forget women specifically, any parent who is the primary for their children. Can we have it all? Can we have the elevated career that brings in the elevated income and would undoubtedly come with elevated expectations, including but not limited to, more hours away from your children. Can we have all of that, that gives them what they want and need and still do right by them emotionally? I feel conflicted but not convinced.
I was raised with an attitude that risk taking is bad and security is good. These things are both true and untrue at the same time. I’m more of a “no risk no reward” kind of girl. A “go big or go home” type. I don’t ever find myself thinking “man, I wish I could do that but, what if I don’t succeed? Why me?” More often than not, I find myself thinking “Why NOT me?” Because seriously, why not?
So, finding myself at these crossroads trying to decide if I truly can have it all is kind of out of my comfort zone. Laying my aspirations down, doesn’t even seem like a choice but neither does failing as a parent. There are no “do overs” in long term parenting. You either do it right or pay for therapy. Likewise, there are windows of opportunity. If they close, it’s unlikely that they’ll re-open. Decisions decisions decisions. But… That voice, that nagging little buzzing, that tug in my gut… Why not me, indeed!