Let me begin, by saying that I completely respect the choice to stay home with your children. Likewise, I respect a mother who’s chosen to work outside of the home. Further, I understand that sometimes there is no choice in the matter. Possibly the work you do doesn’t pay enough to warrant the cost of childcare, oppositely, maybe your family could not survive without your income. Suffice it to say, I am not bashing a woman for being a SAHM… I am simply asking her to give it a fucking rest. The increasing complaints that I see about the endless and thankless job of a SAHM are so freaking boring. So much so, that I’ve decided to compile a list! Yay! Another list! I knew you’d be excited.
Here are five things that stay at home moms should keep to themselves (or at minimum, to their closest friends).
1. “Im completely exhausted!”
Really, sister? You’re tired? That baby is keeping you up, is he? Well… So is mine! Isn’t it funny that way? I mean, you’d think since my baby knows that I work 40 inflexible hours per week that he’d keep his sleeping to decent and civil hours but… Nope. If I’m up from 3-5am I still have to drag ass out of bed at 6am to start my daily grind. The grind in which I will not have a moment to myself or a smidge of rest and likely will be on my feet for 90% of.
2. “You’re so lucky that you get a break”… Ummm, no. Nope, I sure don’t. Unless you count my commute, which is the only time of day that I am sitting and completely in my own head. Unless, that is, I am spending my drive paying bills, returning calls, making appointments….
Seriously, I wake up and get the children ready, I ready myself, I wipe the snot off of my work slacks (usually) and head out. I spend the next ten hours getting to work, doing my job and getting home. THEN I fix dinner and do the various chores of the weeknight, “bed, bath and beyond” as my bestie says. And then, like some twisted mom version of ground hog day, I do it again the next morning. No “break” here!
3. “I sacrificed my career because I want what’s best for my children”
Puuuhhh-lease! Are you kidding me with that? First of all, see above for how I respect your choice. Second, hop down from that high horse and don’t even THINK about insinuating that because you decided to work in the home that it somehow means that you’re a better mom or that you care more about the upbringing of your children. I care, damn it! I care enough to know that my daily and constant presence in the home would likely end up chronicled in an episode of “Snapped”… That’s how much I care! And as far as the upbringing of my children, I am actively involved (on top of my full time career) in their lives and have made choices about how they spend their time away from me that will help give them the tools they need to ultimately be successful and well-rounded. So, spare me.
4. “The house isn’t my job, the children are.” Ok… Whoa. Your choice to work IN the home is exactly that, WORKING in the home! Assuming that your significant other is working a full time job OUT of the home, I see it as a fair trade to keep your poop in a group around the house. I’m not gonna lie, housework isn’t “my thing”. Frankly, I’m terrible at it. However, I’m good at my chosen profession, I bring home a sweet salary (and the ability to be completely independent come what may) and I spend the majority of my time off of work meeting the needs of my children. So, even though I strive to improve myself when it comes to the domestic arts, it’s not my main gig like it is for you. Quit griping and whining about it! You gave up your “career” for it, remember?
5. “I don’t know HOW you DO it!” It would be one thing if this were said in a complimentary tone but, it rarely is. Usually, it’s exclaimed at a time when you are late for t-ball practice. Mostly, it’s meant to point out that you aren’t doing it “their way” that you have somehow made the wrong choice by having different priorities. Listen sister, I’ll tell you how… I do it, because the services that you’ve left your illustrious career to provide for your family, are readily available for purchase or hire. It really is that simple. Some of the most beautiful relationships I’ve formed as a mother are due to the fact that I work. A child care provider that loves my children ON TOP of enriching their lives with knowledge and experience is a phenomenal asset to me, as a working mama!
In summary, I just don’t like generalizations and judgement. I have seen these blanket statements regularly on social media… I’ve seen SAHMs belittle working moms in a variety of passive aggressive socially acceptable ways. “I care too much about my baby than to let a stranger raise her” and “only dedicated moms nurse their baby for a year or more”. Those are two statements that I have first hand experience with and its not cool. Your choice may be right for you but not so much for me and who are you to judge anyway?