Former? Former, you say?
Right… Former. Here’s the deal, drama is going to happen. There will be disagreements at work, with your spouse, that idiot who cut you off in traffic. Drama has a full spectrum it can be gone in a second or it can consume you for months. Depending on your personality, you might be less prone to extreme dramatics. If you are a person who is capable of letting shit slide and holding your tongue, you likely have a lower drama factor. You also may have an ulcer from the pent up resentment that you feel from being an extremely busy door mat. It all depends on how much you’re willing to take. If you are more like me, and have a hard time leaving things unsaid, you might have a bit more drama in your life. One thing I can say in my defense is, I’m never going to leave an important situation with the regret of “I wish I would have said…” or “I wish I would have done…” the draw back to that is that saying what’s on your mind will inevitably upset somebody. I am not perfect in this way, not even close. However, I am improving and think vastly longer than a split second before speaking these days, when it comes to drama.
Why do I say “former” then? Because looking back on my life, I can clearly see things that I should have let go. Things that, if I had taken the time to think, could have been DE-escalated from the start. Knowledge is power, right? Know better, do better? I now poses the knowledge that it’s ok to not respond immediately and that I should take as much time and thought as I need, to come at a situation in a productive way. Sometimes, this results in me not saying anything at all. WHAT??? The hell you say!?!? Yes. I know, I don’t have a reputation for holding my tongue, but I’m a bonafied freaking grown up, yo! I am too busy to expend my precious energy on something that I cannot change. In times of increased dramatics, I have begun to ask myself a few questions.
Will my response make a difference for the better?
This is a tough one to navigate. It seems like communication is always key, right? What happens when the other party has already decided that they are the victim or that you are just plain wrong? If that’s the case, what can you do to change their mind? The answer is probably nothing. Sometimes certain kinds of people just NEED to have drama. Maybe they don’t have enough going on in their lives, maybe they are just kind of addicted to the rush of it… Maybe they just don’t like you. Man… that one is hard, right? Speaking for myself, It takes a lot of time for me to process all of the emotions that come along with a friend just quitting me. ESPECIALLY, when it’s due to their own issues… insecurity, emotional instability, plain ol’ facocta crazy! You can’t fix that shit! So, refer to my previous post and LET IT GO!!! or let them go, as the case may be. It might be awkward in social situations for a minute, but you wanna know how to solve that? Just be nice. Yep. That’s it, be nice. It’s all you can do unless you’re willing to go full bore into the big dramatics… thus negating everything we’re talking about here.
Consider the source!
Do I want this person in my life? Like, REALLY want them? Or am I just upset that they don’t like me anymore? This is a biggy… Who is the person and why are you hung up on it?
Are they family and you’re stuck? No, babe, you aren’t stuck. ONLY you get to decide who gets to you. You are only obligated to be nice. Keep shit civil and eat your damned Christmas Dinner.
Have you been friends for a long time and everyone is so intertwined? No problem, don’t sit next to them at the baby shower. You are only obligated to be nice, keep shit civil and enjoy your damned clothes pin game… and hopefully a glass of champagne to help you through yet another happy event that’s been forced upon you.
Maybe you work together… So, do your job. You are only obligated to be nice, keep shit civil. Take it one step further and hope that bitch gets a fabulous job offer from some other company, far, far away.
Basically, what I’m saying is this; it is ok to take your time to consider the pros and cons of engagement. Likewise, it is ok to not engage at all. Take it from me, a former drama queen, the
need choice to engage was not always in the best interest of the situation at hand and if I had shut up and chosen not to, I may have saved myself and others a whole lot of wasted energy on bullshit drama. Cheers to stepping back, assessing the situation and saying loud and proud, “I don’t need this shit!”. Swearing Mom out.