I have never been away from home for Christmas. I know, for many, that is more comon than not. I have always listened to the words “I’ll be home for Christmas, you can plan on me…” And felt sorrow for those who cannot be with their loved ones. Service men and women and people who just can’t afford the time or expense of the trip… That line, “if only in my dreams”. It’s reality for some folk, year after year. Well, it’s reality for me this year, and I’m not thrilled. I’m a grown up, though and I have to make grown up decisions, this is one.

Christmas Eve is always a freaking blast. Champagne and an informal dinner at one of my cousin’s houses. Gift exchange and the stealing game. Selfies with my gorgeous cousins. Watching our kids play together just like we did… The aunts and uncles, my grandpa… Man, I HATE to miss an opportunity to be with him. 93 and going strong, but 93. How many Christmases do I have? I will miss my mom. Christmas is her “thing”. She swaps out bedding and rugs and wall art for their Christmas replacements. She’s the “magic” in the magic of Christmas. She understands and supports my decision, but we both know that it doesn’t make it not suck. Christmas morning will be quiet. Papa will not be wrestling with my boys and Uncle Andrew will not play Santa at our house. We will pass out our own gifts and it will be just the four of us. I will not be eating my Aunt Pennie and Uncle Jimmy’s feast. Yes, we all know that Uncle Jimmy is the chef. Likewise, we know he couldn’t pull it off with out my aunt, his trusty sous chef. The Rock Star will not fall asleep on their couch after the meal and snore through whichever sporting event is on. We will not scrape ourselves up for round two at Aunt Joan’s where we would watch the kids play and catch up over coffee and dessert. These things will not happen this year and thinking about it makes me sad. I owe it to myself and my family to not have a pity party, though. We have gifts and we have food and a roof over our heads. We are going to spend our Eve with friends and our Day with each other. We have so much more than most people. We will enjoy it for what it is this year and it will make us appreciate next year even more.

Until then, I love you dear family and I will miss each detail. I will miss every morsel. I will miss our bond and I will miss each of you in a special way. 

Sappy Swearing Mom out.