You all must be wondering why I see fit to post about something as simple as mashed potatoes. I mean, don’t I know that everyone knows how to “mash” potatoes? Well, I have experienced less than amazing smooshed spuds and I’m here to set the record straight. Cool your heels, people! Stop trying to reinvent the wheel here! There is a time and place for modification. However, your holiday mashed potatoes ain’t the one! I get it, baked potatoes beg for sour cream and chives. It’s natural that you would want to jazz up their smashed cousin in a similar manner. Consider this before you decide to get schnazzy with your taters; at your holiday table, what purpose do the mashed potatoes serve? I don’t know how it goes down at your gathering, but at mine they are purely and simply, a vessel for GRAVY. Yes! Gravy! That beautiful full fat gravy that we make by the gallon! The tender juicy drippings of the succulent turkey, perfectly seasoned and thickened enough to slide effortlessly down my breasts… Oh! Ummm, yeah… down the sides of the beautiful, buttery, mound of mashed potatoes. Yeah, that’s totally what I meant!

Any-who, these mashed potatoes are the way my mom makes them. Full of butter and milk with a generous S&P. That’s it! That’s all you need. Leave the bells at the door and don’t even think about adding a whistle!

You will need the following:

• 6 Yukon Gold potatoes. Sorry, Mom! I know you use russets, but I tried with each and Yukon Gold kicked Russet’s ass in the creaminess department!
• 1 stick salted butter
• Milk, as needed. Check it out, I couldn’t really measure this. You need to add it a little at a time to ensure that it stays creamy and not soupy. Probably somewhere between 1/2 cup and 3/4 cup.
• S&P to taste

Directions:

1. Peel and wash potatoes and cut into sixths or eights. Place into a pot and cover with COLD water. Bring to a boil and cook until fork tender.
2. Drain water. If you have a stand mixer, transfer to the bowl of the mixer with the paddle attachment. If not, get your masher and whisk, roll up your sleeves and prepare for a mini work out.
3. Cut the butter into cubes and add it all at once to the hot potatoes. Start the mixer on low speed, or begin to mash the hell out of them by hand. Once you’ve achieved a smoothish consistency, begin adding milk slowly. About 1/4 cup at a time until smooth enough to whip with a whisk. Whisk away the lumps and add salt and pepper to taste.

It is as simple as that! If you NEED to get fancy, put a few pats of butter to melt on top and sprinkle with a dash or two of paprika. Other than that you are ready for gravy, bitches! Swearing Mom out.

Cutting the potato into chunks will help them cook evenly and more quickly than cooking the potato whole.

Adding butter while still hot will help incorporate the butter into the mash and begin the creamy transformation.

Now watch me whip! Now watch me nae nae… Well, probably just the whip for now, but I can nae nae if I need to!

Beautifully smooth and creamy mashed potatoes.